What I am going to say may ruffle a lot of feathers with those of you who are hopeless romantics and still looking for Mr. or Mrs. right.
Lets look at the idea of “specialness” in human relationships, and see where this goes. My definition of specialness would be that hierarchy of love and devotion, which people place on, or extend to other individuals.
We have structured our world into countries, cities, friends, the family unit, and marriage partners. And so we have come to feel and view that our blood relatives are the most important and special people in our lives, while everyone else occupies a lesser place in a descending order of importance and quality of love.
This is the way it has been since the dawn of time when people grouped themselves into clans and tribes for their mutual safety and comfort. Of course there have been low vibrational attitudes and emotions which have been around an equal length of time, so I don’t believe that longevity is really a true indicator of higher values and truth.
Specialness feels wonderful when you are in receipt of it because it is based in love, however specialness is a two-edged sword, in that the only way that anyone could be the “most” special to you, would be by having others “less” special to you. This is what allows the idea of specialness to exist. It is just another version of contrast (duality), which we use to experience our environment and define our experiences.
When you replace the word special with the word love, you are being more honest and open. Now you are saying “I love this person more than that person,” or not at all in some cases.
It is understandable that those whom you spend the most time with, begin to occupy a very important place in your life, especially if they are dependent on you for their day-to-day existence. What we are saying here is that specialness has developed partially because of the natural order of things, such as with a mother and her children, and partly out of pure preference.
One significant reason that certain people may feel very special to you may be due to your continual involvement with them during your many incarnations. Both you and they may have had any number of encounters of varying depth and importance, that will result in an often unexplainable attraction or repulsion, to those same people.
When we look at the idea of specialness I certainly do not want you to get the idea that you are doing anything wrong by expressing your love for someone. However, let’s be clear that there is a vast difference between expressing your love for “someone,” and expressing your love for “everyone.” Specialness falls short of being a true high vibrational concept, because it limits love by degree and in number. Specialness is one of those human systems of thought developed by the ego, that keeps us bound to lower levels of thought and action.
That very special person you fall in love with and marry today, becomes the same person you can’t wait to separate yourself from tomorrow, and so we say in all cases such as these, what purpose can specialness be serving, except your own needs in the moment.
In my opinion the purpose of relationships is so that we can explore the nature and meaning of love, thereby continually expanding and raising our understanding to a continually higher vibrational level.
You may have heard the term “unconditional love.” It is amusing however to see people applying unconditional love only to certain people, and under certain conditions!
When you are being selective in how you love, and with whom you extend love, you are expressing just a partial representation of your truest self. But hey, who am I kidding, we all do it, and most often at the subconscious level.
My own personal opinion is that “real” love never dies. There is no one you ever “really” loved, who you don’t love now. Love is eternal, and if it is not, then you are feeling and expressing something else other than love.
The idea of specialness then, is representative of the ego’s inability to extend love to every person fully and equally. It is one of the ego’s better concepts, but the idea is still far from being the highest choice anyone could make with regards to relationships.
If you have gleaned out of this discourse that GOD extends unconditional love to every one equally, you would be correct. Thus it is true to say that no person has any more value, or is more special in the eyes of GOD than anyone else.
This is not to say that GOD might not use someone or many people, as a means to fulfill his will, and down through history this has been the case, causing humanity to believe that just because certain people were selected to play a particular role, that those same people must have heightened value. That is an inaccurate assumption.
Now I will say that if today is your birthday, then that definitely makes you special, and you should let people spoil you rotten!
The idea of expanding our definition of love to include others equally, and thereby move away from the idea of specialness, is what every spiritual master has had to do. Of course in the doing, this has also separated them from the rest of humanity at the level of thought and belief. For some of us the rewards don’t seem to be in proportion to the effort we must extend, and so we say to ourselves “ what harm can there be in hanging with, and thinking like your friends?”
Remember that phrase,… it is the mantra of the ego!
In conclusion then, I will say that if you think on this deeply, you may feel that you don’t want to let the idea of specialness go, because it feels so good when you are in receipt of it. At those times it might serve you well to remember the heartbreak you felt, when you found out that you were no longer special.
This emotional roller coaster can be very disruptive to people’s lives, but it is there to teach us that there is a better way to live.
I hope that I haven’t devalued all the romantic people out there, however the message was not about doing away with love, on the contrary, it is about increasing your ability to love, by getting ride of your self-imposed limitations as to what love is, and who deserves it.
Thanks for listening.